When talking about death as a subject like any other subject in the “Just A Thought” it can go two ways, be very easy to pen or be very hard and tedious to author, however it varies, but doing these articles for the last year on a regular basis, I may be limited in certain aspects of life like writing in the traditional sense or speaking in a consistent reliable way (I’m not the first person you pick to do a speech out here) but even if I’m gone my words, different mediums, actions, & impact lives on through the people I was surrounded by, things that live on after me, & everything in between whether I agree with it or not, hopefully, individuals take the good I do & hopefully don’t harp on the negative constantly even after I’m gone. When it comes down to metaphorical brass tacks death isn’t pretty, life is a fragile thing, & is very random for many reasons leaving us in awe sometimes because death is a period to our lives putting end to everything we’ve done in our lifetime formally like a period which is the stop sign of a sentence compared to a comma which is more like a yield. I’ve talked about this subject as the first “Just A Thought” (here is the original) but wanted to expand on it even more because even though it can be a buzzkill if conversed about a certain way, believe if handled differently it can come out phenomenally, it’s the same with death if we view it a certain way we can have a positive experience overall, it’s just like the song “Gone” by Kanye West if we have a certain mentality to a fleeting thing the better we are.
Death In A Nutshell
When thinking about death it reminds me of the “Lifeline” by Corridor Digital on YouTube Premium (good series) but without spoiling it there are agents that would jump to save people that paid a nominal fee for protection from demise, it is an interesting premise & is the opposite of real life because we don’t have this ace in the hole & we’re only deterring the inevitable a little longer. Another way of looking at death is a game like Fire Emblem which has perma-death, whenever a character dies in your party there is no spawn or reset they are just gone & their skill set doesn’t & time you put in doesn’t carry over & it is the same with death all progress stops, the only thing that happens is there a sequence of events prior to that time whether shared or individual & hopefully those experiences or lessons are passed on somehow & involves some level of serendipity (the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way) & decisions on our part for things to pay off in the long run, they don’t just happen on accident or chance. The final factor of death is risk & danger, me I’m an avid fan of sports & motorsports like NASCAR, F1, or, NHRA, with everything there is a risk involved with everything some higher than others but death or near-death makes us progress & focus on the big picture when we are so busy grinding,
look at F1, last year Antoine Hubert died & Juan Correa was injured in a major way because of an accident at Spa during an F2 race putting people on notice, looking at near-death experiences there’s Niki Lauda (R.I.P.) who was in a fiery accident at Nürburgring 1976 at the German GP leaving him worst for ware & people thinking he wouldn’t make it but the opposite happened, 2001 in NASCAR Dale Earnhardt Sr. hit the wall extra hard in the Daytona 500 & after passed away from injuries and because of the event things were developed like HANS (head and neck support) & the safer barrier which collapses upon impact dissipating energy. Lastly watching football and playing it Dj Hayden comes to mind, while at U of H (University of Houston) at practices collided with a teammate & tore his IVC (interior vena cava) which is a major artery & if not for a fast response he probably is not n e NFL now let alone living. Death is not something that should not be taken for granted & it is the same with risk.
The House of Cards
When looking at my life up to this point I have so many memories that have involved others and some I have had individually, some good experiences some bad, some things I would talk about, others I won’t ever if possible, & things I’ve gotten to do that were routine & others I have gotten to do that we’re well above what I thought & others thought that we’re possible in that time, with that being said every memory I have shared & every experience I have lived through to May 2018, if I would have passed with everything going wrong I would have to be satisfied with my life because I would have no say over it at that point. Looking back to two years ago when I was hospitalized with sepsis which felt like My house of card was knocked over metaphorically & physically I had three things that happened over time, one with events happening like I said before There is no backtracking or reset (the shot has been fired & bell has been rung) their isn’t no redos especially with near death experiences, second I made my peace, it may seem like a simple thing in action but it is far from it if you are actually faced with it genuinely because it forces you to put your money where you mouth is based off your beliefs & morals and trust in it if is the end of the road because like a phrase says ”death waits on no man”, lastly when dealing with death as an individual you better believe in something, no matter how religious you are, how deep your morals are, or whatever that may be to you, it better be this solid foundation especially dealing with death because it’s no time to be indecisive plus because at some point you should be rooted in something. Adversity in any form creates lots of but death or near-death for that matter creates major waves & can leave us vulnerable and with the trauma that we may be dealing with constantly now as a byproduct or things we try avoiding whether at our own hands or through other events that we’re set in motion. Two songs that paint the picture of the house of cards getting knocked over is the song
“Anziety” by Logic which explains anxiety on some level of what most people go through, chasing something like happiness that is fleeting but can change real quick, however, makes people to not just go on autopilot & being accepting on some level, the second song is “Message In A Bottle” by The Police because once’s things happen on whatever level it may be, it feels like we are sending out this SOS that hopefully someone will get eventually no matter how.
When going experiencing death on some level people chalk it up to faith, success on some level, sheer luck, or even hope when in actuality it is a mixture of everything combined, when talking about faith people think religion, but it is way bigger than that premise that most people know it by is trust or confidence in things not seen but we do that every day we have faith we’ll get from point A to B safely, we have faith that certain things & people will do right by us, or we have faith that things we have no control over will go on smoothly, no matter what it’s a factor in a lot, next factor in this is luck which is something a lot of people get misconstrued again thinking it this thing that happens by chance, but like when I spoke to someone about it, it is preparation for an opportunity that comes at some point in our life, basically being ready when everything lines up & success is when everything aligns and good breaks happen as a result of it on some level or over time, hope is the final piece to the puzzle even with everything else operating effectively it takes some hope that some things will improve over time and not just stay the same after the experience, this is the equivalent to rebuilding the card tower being knocked down. Over the past two years I have gotten many nicknames & aliases because of the entire situation for example modern-day Lazarus (go look it up), Walking Dead (because people that would see my medical records & because of the work I put in my progress wouldn’t match this terrible story on paper), or Walking miracle (because people that didn’t know the situation would equate it to that) even though the situation is like the songs “Welcome to heartbreak” & “Coldest Winter” by Kanye West or “Bad Bad News” by Leon Bridges or lastly “Day & Night” by Kid Cudi the common denominator is the person’s foundation & mentality when the adversity happens especially with death ,attributes whether we are born with them or they are acquired over time we come to the realization over time some things aren’t for forever
especially after certain events happening, no matter what actions determine a lot when facing certain situations it takes away certain aspects you have gotten used to having whether physical or mental & whether we take it for granted or not making you adjust & compensate to operate efficiently while rebuilding the card tower again, with death & adversity the best way I can describe is treading water & struggling to breath, no matter how much we try sharing experiences and people who can relate to for going through them ourselves most experiences are individual to the people & breakthrough often comes with personal breakthrough, when it comes down to it you don’t jump in trying to save a flailing swimmer you throw a lifeline & it’s the same with life even though you can help in some way some things come down to the person involved. At the end of the day when it comes to dealing with death as an experience it becomes this thing of give me the info and facts necessary & then let’s get it because stats are an approximation of everything but don’t fit everything and person & doesn’t guarantee certainty every time, & with the info provided brings regrouping & not just giving up entirely because of it, if I could be like the song “Wake Me Up” by Avicii (RIP) featuring Aloe Blacc where every hard time or rough patch we we’re able to skip & just improve with no qualms people would pick the route but life doesn’t operate that way & we have to prepare for the worse case scenario or like the song “All Goes Wrong” by Chance & Status being able to operate through the adversity & struggles & hopefully do so without certain things & people throwing a monkey wrench into everything with their own ideas & mindset just like the song “Bring Me Down” by Kanye West & do all this before moving on like the song “Fade away” by Logic & treating every moment as this point as something that isn’t guaranteed & hopefully like the song “Lord Willin” by Logic.
Excuse the language
Now I’m not saying this type of trauma doesn’t come with its own setbacks or cons for example with sepsis I’ve been through the ringer from dialysis to therapy sessions to slow progression & their are things I have faced over this period & like anxiety their are certain triggers that could happen because of it & certain flashbacks that may come up from the experience, heck I had a gag order on my people because I didn’t want to hear about everything constantly after being released because I lived through most of it, if anything I live now more with the idea of losing it all, not being a massive gambler or taking a big risk or chances but living even more so after losing a majority of things almost, songs that sum this are “Running” by Naughty Boy featuring Beyoncé & Arrow Benjamin & “What’s up Danger” by Blackway & Black Caviar because when facing the gauntlet there are two options either get scary fearing losing things or actually being proactive and living in a way where when adversity comes actually embracing it & living to progress even with setbacks or miss steps.
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Into the spider-verse
After the storm
Everyday
Not giving in
I’ve been waiting all night
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Human
All I have
Death & The Blast Radius
When talking about death it’s is a journey to go through as an individual however it comes, but even more developed when it is a shared experience including others in our lives. The deepest part about death when dealing with others is potential, because once it happens especially to people who are growing or blossoming to what they can be in the long run someone or something ending so abruptly from passing we are only left with what was done before that point, an example of this is although tender Is Kobe & Gigi Bryant, if you look at Kobe in his lifetime he did lots as a basketball player, outside of professional basketball, & there is no denying what he did because you can actually see everything he did & actually have a valid view of him, the opposite of this is Gigi there is no denying the potential she had a person and with consistent support would have been this force in whatever she did but after her passing, we were left playing the What if? game because we have a small sample size of things to make our perspective off, it’s not nothing new & has been happening over time, heck look at Aaliyah, Selena, or more recently Mac Miller, or Nipsey Hussle, once our journey is over that is it the only thing we can hope for is fair shake & what do makes an impact & is the catalyst to the person that is alive living on after them Basically plant the seed & hopefully people nurture what was shared & not just wasted or belittled because of where it came from, an example of this Is “Oogway ascends”
which was a scene from Kung Ku Panda, it may be a out in left field but some of the best inspiration comes from things we least expect & hammers home their are no accidents & we should only manage what is in our control even after someone moving on.
Two things become really imperative in dealing with the impact & metaphorical blast radius that can come with death, the first is the song by A-Trak featuring Jamie Lidell “We All Fall Down” the reason I bring this up is like I said in the article [Just A Thought: Time] that life is trial and errors & we’re not gonna make the right decisions and choices ever time so what shouldn’t be happening is putting people up on this pedestal or idolizing them so hard there is no room for error or a screw up because of an idea we or others have whether people are here or not, the second is give your roses while you can & have the opportunity to do so, now this is not to be confused with tagging or shouting out on social media which is convenient for the time we live in but actually making the effort to be open to people around us & actually being thankful for what they do & actually showing it in other means while we have the chance, an example of this was me being a caregiver for my maternal grandmother, it was a hard endeavor & frustrating at times but if I would have never went down myself it wouldn’t have been a serendipitous situation where I was able to do my part in helping in the rest of her journey & it could have went a totally different way, now it was one of those situations where we were waiting for the shoe to drop especially with death on the horizon because it is a part of life that is why other times are jarring especially when they are least expected, but once that happened even though it hurt then & some now I had to lean on all the times & memories before in my life and actually put faith that as an individual and unit we did everything possible and even though it hurt some because of the things we did through the adversity we couldn’t have any regrets because there was no uncertainty & hopefully flee everything in our power even if people have their own opinions or views after the fact, this is why “Roses” by Kanye West hits so hard because who controls when a life ends is random & you never know when when it does so bring the metaphorical flowers before it does do be hesitant.
Uncertainty is the reason I reach out so much when it comes to to my personal life & in the media side of things, when I was released and came back to Texas from Kansas City after 70 days of hospitalization & rehab I made it my mission to reach out to others whether friends, family, acquaintances, collaborators, etc. whether spoke to them or interacted with them earlier in 2018 or it had been a little while, regardless I made it business to do so & still do it periodically every month because I really want to know how people are doing & it is even same on the media front I like doing editorial work & getting other views that have come in the form of “The Goldbox Spotlight” or the 101 series varying in topics, over time every person rolls differently some work off assumptions making their choices off past experiences, others don’t respond whatsoever or go ghost like Patrick Swayze (look it up), some probably have a belief that people are beneath them even if people approach them professionally, some actually respond, interact, & are vulnerable or real/truthful over time, & some individuals I wish I knew more about, I have dealt with everything from a person not liking my tone through text message (how does that work) to people tap dancing around everything to people that are straightforward whether dealing with a person or some representation & I’ll probably see or deal with other things over time, & even with it being a mixed bag dealing with people I’m not letting it deter me from doing what I’ve have done to this point if looking at the big picture, in my personal life before & after my experience I’ve gotten to connect with friends, family, & others I hadn’t seen in forever, people that I that I got to know more about, & even people that I least expected, on the flip side of things outside of doing articles, doing anything like photography or opening the website to others for things like collaboration, different authors, or “The Goldbox Spotlight” takes a certain level of effort and chance because it is a two way street regardless, & I’m cognizant of that and definitely thankful for people actually taking time out & using their effort to help make it happen because I like it when people bring different things & views to the table through their experiences. No matter what when dealing with death people like to put it in the concept of we, when in actuality it’s more like a 4X400 relay in track, it is a team event & everyone has a common goal at the time, but that only works with everyone doing their part & it is the same with life even though people can team up the foundation is each individual,
with experiences like death whatever side you’re on makes you ask tough questions, about your self & others you wouldn’t ask in normal situations like ”What will you do when I’m gone?” “What is your intent over time?” or “What do you bring?” For some it’s a means to an end, others it’s way bigger than one thing or moment & some people & things fail terribly in response and others go above and beyond the norm in the situation but it’s a necessary thing sometimes when dealing with others like friends, family, acquaintances, or others. What it reminds me the song “Flux capacitor” by Jay Electronica featuring Jay-Z, Jay says a lyric that sticks out “When I die please don't tweet about my death tryna get mentions, bringin' attention to yourself Please don't post some pic from in the club With some quote you stole like we was tighter than what we were” that’s the toughest thing sometimes people try reaching out, others don’t but then try showing love after it’s too late, hopefully, people do it proactively, life is more than just likes & mentions (even though they play their role nowadays especially in giving people credit) but using the resources to reach out. No matter what the people around us whether gone or still here have a hand in effect & making the person we are now whether in the past or now, big or small in nature. One of the things that hit home when dealing with death and the large area of effect it has is the Disney Pixar film “Coco” & the song “Remember Me” sung by Miguel, you don’t watch that film if you’re going through an experience with death (biggest mistake of my life, I was a big baby for good reason) but the theme of the film is remembrance, people want to be remembered when they are gone & hopefully others take into account the culmination of things we do in our lifetime and while people are here no matter how far people are or what factors play in everything & the distance everything is done that is possible & hopefully not in a selective short term way.
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No one
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The Aftermath
No matter what when dealing with death & all sides every decision or choice we make has some form of reaction or culmination because of them & I’m not trying to be like Uncle rico from “Napoleon Dynamite” living with regret in my lifetime because of what I didn’t do when I had the chance & hopefully others have the same mentality, an example of this is Dave Chappelle walking away from money, we don’t know people’s choices every time but hopefully others will understand over time.
Often times people get bummed out by death as a whole, but the thing about it is a minuscule thing compared to the an entire lifetime, so even though it can feel like this never ending hurt there is a silver lining to everything. Two songs that back this ideal up is “Alive” by Chase & Status and “Sun Comes Up” by Rudimental because even though it can feel terrible we make the moment from the jump.
Excuse The Language.
Also, the other premise important to us is songs like “Bigger Than Me” & “One Man Can Change The World” by Big Sean, even though it feels like we are alone or divided, the path has been cleared by people’s struggles before us & we do the same for people behind us our lives aren’t just predicated on us entirely.
Excuse The Language.
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To U
Never alone Tori Kelly
Nothing from nothing
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Epilogue
When talking death people get bummed out but it’s like the being of The Lion King & like the song “Circle of Life” no matter how much money we have or resources or even how good or bad someone is, it’s coming just like life whether we like or not, the bell tolls.
The best way to look at this is two songs “Hukuna Matata” from The Lion King & “Don’t You Worry Child” by Swedish House Mafia, instead of living in dread over our own mortality or living like the song “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas (side note scene from “Old School” with Will Ferrell is still good.) hopefully we’re living like the song “Hussle & Motivate” by the late Nipsey Hussle best lyric being “Ain’t really trip on the credit, I just paid all of my dues” hopefully we’re living not for the recognition but using our lives for helping. Some deaths hit home whether real or fictitious, heck look at Mufasa from “Lion King” or Rue from Hunger Games (Amandala Stenberg) & don’t feel routine like “John Q” (when Denzel said I will not bury my son).
The best words I ever got was from one of my people saying “You’re here”, songs that reflect this is “Til It’s Over” by Anderson Paak & “Til The End” by Logic because till we are gone we keep swinging.