When speaking about love people automatically jump to Valentine’s Day or infatuation with someone but from a perception sense it’s way bigger than what people see it as now and has evolved because of it, & like other moments people put lots of emphasis on the 14th rather than the other 364 days (or 365 this year) & more effort into being in the business of being hugged up with someone, having numerous people to fulfill that love in a fictitious manner or cuffing season which only people will focus on because of a relationship that happens like V Day or even Christmas. Love is way bigger than the thing people see it as now & encompasses way more than just a person we have interest in.
The Real Meaning of Love
When looking at love it’s defined as an intense feeling of deep affection or a great interest and pleasure in something & if you even look at care it is defined as serious attention or consideration applied to do something correctly or to avoid damage or risk. Having them defined in the way they are giving them clarity but how every person uses them in their own journey varies. At the end of the day they are verbs (a word used to describe an action, state, or occurrence) you can’t just outright use words, we have to actually back them with our actions and hopefully, people respect that. In the broad perspective of things when talking about Love we need to use it wisely & with care because not everyone has had the same experiences when it comes to love even everyone deserves it. What comes to mind is the song by Jess Glynne “Hold my hand” because when we have the love of others around us no matter how we are doing physically or in a intrinsic manner whether good or bad, anxiety or a physical manner, it’s knowing even though somethings we go through individually & it takes a certain level of self-esteem to get through, other times we have people in our corner, that are proud of us, & that are willing to push us to see us succeed metaphorically holding our hands through some adversity we are going through, proving we are not alone in our journey.
Love is when people are doing without receiving or they won’t see return on their investment in whoever it is, when I say this is because we will never be in a position to handle everything outright independently, we will need help sometimes from others, I’ve experienced this first hand when I was hospitalized 2018 during sepsis, I’ve had family to friends to people that entered after a short time used their own resources whether monetary, their time, or effort to help my family or me whether I was in KC or back in Texas after, people did a lot no matter how small or big knowing that me or my family weren’t in a position to reciprocate at the time & that’s how it is sometimes. The People around us dictate how we love others from the way they do sometimes, prime example of this was my dad when I was first starting to talk after removing my tracheotomy & during the time I was relearning to speak effectively again I sounded like a Boonhauer from “King of the Hill” & he understood what I was saying or could fill in the blanks, also when I was wanting to just use hand signals he would say “use your words” it was difficult at times but him doing that prepared me for times when I don’t have that option doing Lyft or dealing with others that aren’t understanding of my voice, this is just the tip of the iceberg of what people have done for me & me for others whether family, friends, etc. At the end of the iron sharpens iron & people bring different things to the table because they are equipped differently and vary in backgrounds & it’s the same with love.
Vulnerabilities, Adversity, & Hurt
When dealing with life and love there’s not a question of adversity & changes happening but when some are small while others are massive & it comes down to how people deal with others & things in their vicinity and some people change up in a major way because of it. I talked with someone about being hurt & really thought about it and I came to the conclusion that whether it’s intentional or not, everyone gets hurt in some way whether physical or internal & there’s no way to avoid it especially if someone is being vulnerable and letting people in that metaphorical bubble around us or that stoop, we are constantly dealing with things that just hurt. The difference with people is what happens after the hurt (after we take the hit) & the adversity in our journey we have, do we learn from it and grow becoming better people even though we weren’t the factor of it or play victim holding the hurt & baggage the rest of our life basically taking with them to the next generation because hurt people hurt people. One example of this was a passenger I had while driving Lyft, being activated a little over two years, driving on and off because of being hospitalized May 2018 I’ve seen people at the worst of times and the best of times, people I would never want to see again and others I’m glad they were passengers even if for a moment, this time was vivid because of the thing he was going through, during the time he was contemplating his ex getting married in several days and they had been together for a long time before then, he was taking it hard & dealing with it in his own way, I don’t know the full story & probably will never know because as a driver and an omnivert by nature, I’m not intrusive or just sticking my nose in other people’s business but he was taking it rough, however, it left me with several questions about things after chatting with him, did they take each other for granted? Did he give them attention after they were gone? We’re they cordial to each other during their time together & just respectful to each other? How were they after the split? He was taking it tough like any other person dealing with adversity in their lives but one thing stuck out to me from our interaction, he stated: “ I feel a certain way about this happening & wish I didn’t go through this, but I’m happy for her & hope she has joy whether with me or someone else.”
When dealing with caring and loving others & things, not every time can be this picture-perfect situation and the adversity will come no matter how big or small it is to us, however, the most effective thing we can do is assess, no matter if dealing with people or things that we have minimum knowledge of people I am just getting to know, collaborations, friendships, or people we see & hold in high regard, we are constantly adding to the mental file & this fact is even truer after worst-case scenarios & unsavory situations.
What comes to mind is the song “What am I to you?” By Norah Jones, some things just hit hard like this song because it applies to a lot & asks what is going through others’ heads about us because we don’t get that often till something happens whether good or bad and it brings change.
Like I said before people react differently to things some straying from what they have put up already or prove themselves right by what they do, & this applies to physical & mental things, my reaction & others vary on a lot of factors & when it comes down to it people react differently from being emotional, sulking, seeking revenge, feeling a certain way, even trying to make someone feel like they do, & some people will do the opposite depending on a lot.
The other song that comes to mind is the song “Where do we go?” By Lion Babe, after people are faced with adversity they have to decide how to move forward after, no matter if it includes others or it’s an independent thing.
Dealing with the hurt & being vulnerable comes with its pros & cons from dealing with it in our own lives & factors we are forced to deal with like avoiding placeholders (that are negative all the time), people chasing mental postcards (basically people that are only there for the high points of the journey basically being selective), people with ulterior motives, people keeping score to put people on the guilt trip &, etc. At the end of the day life is already not fair, so why add extra? It just like the song “No Easy Way Out” by Robert Tepper tough things bring adversity it’s how we deal with them. (Side note I like music & people can relate to it, you’ll be alright)
Effort, Trying, & Chance
When caring, liking, or loving people or things the best way it can be done is through intention & follow-through, nothing happens on accident whether it’s friendship, dealing with family, collaborating with others, holding people in high regard, or something else, there is a method to the madness & reaching out is a pivotal thing that has to happen. People because of how good things are going or because of a situation they grow comfortable in will go into autopilot & basically hoping everything will not change which is a crazy thing to do in the bigger picture because like I stated before changes are coming constantly. This is the reason I reach out to people that I want to collaborate with far as editorial photography & media even more so after sepsis & even do so in my personal life periodically checking on people periodically to see how they are & genuinely ask how people are doing. The reaction from some people is I should do this or that seems like it takes a lot of energy, & my answer is everything takes some time and energy & I do things like I do far as media and my life because some people & things are worth my time and energy especially after sepsis & going through that and two I don’t want to regret my decisions of taking a chance because I didn’t try, now that doesn’t mean people have their own mindsets & will use other people’s time in an inefficient manner, that is par for the course & being vulnerable but it’s worth the chance. In 2018, 2019, & 2020 three songs were the theme & mantra for those years mentioned “Optimistic” by sounds of Blackness “Hussle & motivate” by Nipsey Hussle & for this year “We’ve got to try” by The Chemical Brothers, once I was back home in Texas after being discharged from Kansas City August & my desk was set up, I would turn my monitor speakers with the first song mentioned every morning in 2018 because no matter how crazy things got, no matter how much I hated the walker I was on (I know hate is a strong word but I gave it a Viking funeral) I planned to be optimistic & have joy, with 2019 I picked Hussle & Motivate because that’s what I wanted to do & still do not talk, but set the tone with my actions & let people be motivated though it, finally I picked We’ve Got to Try because I got a one up in life where I’m still here & I refuse to be like others taking this opportunity being alive for granted and actually trying, even if I make a decision that doesn’t work.
It’s the same with others & their choices & makes me think of the book “The Scarlet Letter” why I think of that is because long story short Hester Prynne has a child outside of marriage which is considered adultery & because of this, she had to wear a red A on her clothing as result & because of this a lot happens in the Puritan colony she in, this is prevalent today & makes it relevant today because even though everyone makes different choices whether about physical things, other life decisions, or something else & because of the time we live in people will make a judgment even though they did the same things. Some people are selfish or had to be mature before a certain time & just because people make a choice that’s good or bad and just because it comes off a certain way doesn’t mean a thing & it comes down to the people involved or that come along, people say a lot about not holding the past against someone if they are constantly progressing & best case scenario people would live by that thought and give people a fair shake but that’s not the case all the time, most people don’t do that & just rely on past experiences or an unfair judgment, however when people do the opposite good things can happen an example of this is Tiff & Case, at the end of the day chances & efforts, were taken & because they did the moment is better not just the norm.
When we try or take a chance most times the bell is rung the shot is fired, there is no reset button, once they happen, they happen, the by-product of this we are at the whim of others sometimes & people can leave of us ignorant because respond in selfishness, & like I said before it leaves us to assess whether family, friends or others & if we should limit our interactions, cut people out completely doing like the song by Signala “Wish you well” not just be petty, some people are fair-weather or “Summer Friends” like the song by Chance the Rapper, some people are here for the worst in our lives and prove it with actions.
The Foundation
When looking at love as a whole it comes down to the individual, love over the decades was way different thing years ago to now for example at was like the James Brown Song
“It’s A Man’s World” where people lived by the first line & it was all about machismo & courage compared to now which is different in a lot of aspects but the same in some & the song that comes to mind is “Gravity” by John Mayer because gravity is a thing we are always combatting with it keeps us planted but even though it does we do phenomenal things & it’s the same with life we may get some bad breaks and feel like we’re sliding back common denominator is our attitude and mindset no matter if we are doing great or bad like in the Love department because people better & worse than you, it’s just a fact of life.
An example of this when I was working with Sam the speech therapist while I was at Rehab Hospital in KC basically rebuilding everything especially my voice, & I’m not a morning person but even though I was up early I would still speak & she asked me why I would do so especially while I’m still recovering with my voice & in the back of my head it’s an impolite thing to do & it reminded me of the movie scene in Kingsman & Harry says “manners make the man” & having a positive attitude sometimes requires doing so when not under a spotlight same with love somethings aren’t under a microscope.
The Missing Piece
I was talking with a person recently & I was thinking about going through sepsis May 2018 it made me think of & went through the scenario of if I would have passed & it would have been the worst-case scenario possible basically where my journey ended, It reminded me of the song “No one” by Jess Glynne
Which makes sense because in the lives of others we are pivotal whether people realize it or not & the same in ours & when someone is gone everything ends & hopefully what we leave behind makes an impact on people. I may love & care about people in a substantial way, like I told someone I was in conversation with, even though It goes double for people I let in my bubble reason I don’t go taking things like friendship lightly, people better get or be prepared if I’m ever gone or someone else is in my life in a reverse way. The reason I say this is the thinking of events in our lives, some things we have no control over but in our journey we make choices that affect our paths with certain things & people whatever level we are on & imagine if someone decided not to take a chance or make an effort and things never unfolded because of it & we didn’t progress because of it, or worse we forget or get
Anesthesia forgetting everything that happened prior to a person going through surgery is the reason I push so hard now.
This reminds me of the song “Never Forget You” by Zara Larson featuring MNEK, which is a perfect way to summarize how some people & things make an impact on our journeys & sometimes leave us with serendipity (not the movie but because we took the chance it leaves us happy or as we benefited).
If worst-case scenario happens & I think of someone passing I hope I & others have the independence & skillset to be self-reliant moving forward even though there’s a missing piece, an example of this myself even people are going to judge and assume, I’m capable of doing things like cook proficiently or sewing things because of my time in Boy Scouts & when it comes down to it I can handle my business & even if don’t fit the norm, things still get handled.
Brass Tacks of Love
Even with all the things mentioned prior, love comes down to the person on the other side
most times, it takes effort & empathy/mercy from all parties involved along with caring no matter what level. There are so many factors that go into it on all levels & can get complicated if we let it when it comes down to it is about people understanding others MO’s (mode of operations), someone’s pro’s & con’s, even values vs preferences which we learn over time about others and it applies on all levels. These ideals apply even to things that take a bigger risk like dating or friendship, they still take effort & chance on our parts but more communication & understanding even more so, it’s like the house rules and the line for us, once people know they can traverse a whole lot easier because things like dating are a cat and mouse game & because of how people treat it people are forced to pander & be a salesperson of themselves & most people show a facade of themselves that only last until a person knows them. When getting down to the nitty-gritty of friendship or something else in the realm, perspectives & perceptions happen, people live off of certain ideas they have built of how things should go, or operate in this high standard that no one can’t ever meet. When it comes down to it’s all about mentality when dealing with caring & love no matter who I’m dealing with or how I value them or it m, I’m in the business of building long-lasting connections with people allow me to not just make a bond because someone is in the vicinity, where I’m able to build a foundation for everything else, operate at a pace that is sustainable in long run (the equivalent of it is a campfire that is constantly burning basically doing the opposite of a firework which burns off quickly) & not just letting things like social media dictate my relationships with others because a photo, video, status or even a tweet is a drop in the bucket compared to life overall & isn’t the basis of a person day to day (really just the tip of the iceberg) & is one fraction of the entire person & on top of all this not everything that glitters is gold & I refuse to live chasing something that is unattainable. It’s the same reason why I tread lightly because people operate differently when it comes to the law of attraction, & I want to build rather than destroy & actually complement people rather just fill a void trying to fulfill a need. I have the mentality that even though I see things a certain way I’m still prone to setbacks & rejections that anyone else goes through, especially being at the whim of others on that front especially when it comes to things like love, care, friendship, relationships, & family, but I’m not going to be scary because somethings come with loneliness.
Conclusion
In conclusion, when talking about love & all the facets that come with it, everyone has a different perspective on it, I plan on doing things that a benefit not only me but others,
Like I’ll continue building my mental file of others to avoid assumptions
, keep setting the tone with my actions like I said before rather than talk a big game like others, & live my life valuing others in a way not just living my life selective like the song by Janet Jackson “What Have You Done For Me Lately” & even though it can feel like the song “Done For Me” by Charlie Puth featuring Kehlani & life can feel unfair at times, I’ll keep moving in a way not trying to show people I’m a good person or pander, my eyes are on the bigger picture basically the endgame (like the end of the chess game), just like I told someone before like the Avengers: Endgame when Dr. Strange saw millions of outcomes but only one that ended positive when he was speaking with iron man & all it takes is one chance, & it’s the same with love and life even though in the end game I want to have things like a family of my own & give my love & care to someone else on a bigger scale since I have the chance, I know that my journey will be filled with setbacks and even though they come from lots of places this life is like a war filled with several small battles & opportunities for us to take a risk on, till then I gonna keep caring for people in let in, family that I love a lot, & doing even though I’ll take hits regardless.
Some people are like the song “Rather Be” by Clean Bandit where we want to use our resources no matter where people are to be around them because of past times & other times it feels like “Joy & Pain” by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly because we are vulnerable to people we let in & care for but when dealing with love even though we tread lightly from past experiences we have to grow over time.